And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
