he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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