I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
