I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
