I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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