shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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