I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
