i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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