i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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