I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
