it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
