I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
