well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
