the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
