shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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