Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
