i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
