He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
