He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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