were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
