I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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