Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
