Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
