whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
