I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
