I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
