she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
