Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
