i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize