even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
