I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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