I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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