spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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