Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
