I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
