He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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