youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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