didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
