I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
