I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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