got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
