i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
