Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
