Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
