Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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