Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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