Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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