is your mom at the bar?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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