I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Holy shit dude........stairs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
