I must be too annoying 4 u.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
