every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
