I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
