Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize