Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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