evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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