I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
