At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
