take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
