you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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