I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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