I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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