yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
