I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize