your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
