They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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