You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
