You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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