I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize