FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
