Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
