I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
