No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize