she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize