Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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