matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize