he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
